just another sad story

I’m drunk again….as always…don’t get me wrong, i’m not an alcoholic, I drank again too much coffee and spent the night and waited for it to shift for the next day, waited for the shop to close and make some study if those coffee shops differ in some ways of closing the store only to found out that I was so distracted by the thoughts and so busy to noticed that our table was the only one left to be arrange. That night was supposed to be a movie night but because of the workloads that we have to finished, we came 5 minutes late and decided not to go and make some rescheduling.

The weather had become so bizarrely unpredictable these past few days, the sun will hello to you and eventually vanished without bidding goodbye and suddenly the rain will surprisingly pour down so hard. Then, the emo side of you will start to ruin your thoughts and changes the mood into blue. I’m the type of person that as long as I already said the sad story I’m fine with it, as long as I already said my piece and knew that I was somehow right, I’m fine with in unless you ask me to retell the story. On that one fine coffee talk I was asked what happened that night when I pave myself to starbucks alone to buy a tall frapuccino and realized about the smoking ban and walk through the highways. While holding my tall frappe, walking in the road of uncertainty, looking at those lost, unfortunate kids smelling rugby on streets asking my angry self to join them in their sweet escape from reality until finally redeemed my self by the help of nicotine and a dear dear friend over her house and find comfort at that doomed moment.

I came home wide awake courtesy of the added affogato and rethink again about what happened that night and all these years. Why after all the efforts nothing has change, after all the chasing I took for those damned pavements still I am still me as if no effort had exerted. This is still me the little girl crying over petty things and left unnoticed. After all the sweet pleases still I am still the same not so pleasing in their eyes, nothing has changed I am still me not so good in playing people pleaser.

My means of escaping, especially when I’m broke is through reading when suddenly this past few days I felt a sudden envy for the freedom they have and confined my self for this one novel and find comfort in the Emma Morley in the story told me that I was not alone hating the things and still doing it. As she quote “Everybody hates their job”. I love my job anyway, but if only I had a choice then not to consider others happiness, then maybe I’m doing my love to do thing, maybe I am sketching, making fun of the colors, or giving my balance critique over issues or simply writing all this sucking thoughts instead of looking through things beyond the capabilities of the naked eye or playing vampire medically. But, because I am me not so good at pleasing but willing to give it a try as always, welcomed my self in a graveyard of ambition and if you wonder if I succeeded the answer would be a yes in my opinion. Another story that blown me to think about such things is this one ordinary duty, I’m not in the mood to suck some drops of blood from those neonates and eventually found myself at NICU drawing blood from them because I was really bound to do the things I hate to do or on some moments I don’t want to do. I am meant for all those push to make me a better member of this society, to be the fittest, perhaps. We are all meant to follow norms and to do things within the context of the so called legalities. We should be squeezing in no matter how narrow it may be for us, that despite our fragility we have to move, we have to stretch out and do it at the most flexible ways.

The moral lesson of today adventure is to check the last showing time before heading to the cinema house and I realized that this is life, everything is part of everything, it is part of life it is the air we breath and so be it. Most of the days we lean so much to a couch not knowing that the comfort zone we are into are not comfortable anymore. Just like what is stated in the book One day that there is a point in the future where even the worst disaster starts to settle into an anecdote. Also, just like what the Priest said everyone has a potential and I say so same with life it has its own potential and one day there will be a perfect timing for what we really wished for that even though there is no such thing as perfect, there will be one day when everything will seem PERFECT.

Sometimes you are aware when your great moments are happening and sometimes they rise from the past. Perhaps it's the same with people. - James Salter


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